Absent

I really appreciate and value normal, everyday life. And that's why I never liked booze or other substances, because they made me feel absent, afterwards, as if I had missed out on part of my life. As if I had been dead. I don't have trauma around Christmas like so many other people have, but this year it occurs to me that it is like being dead or stoned for a few days: Normal life disappears and people behave strangely. Then you are left with the aftermath. It looks like 9/11 around here. This morning I caught myself looking forward to the gradual resumption of normal life, of living, the recovery. I found myself regretting the dead zone, and that's when I made the connection between Christmas and drinking.