Apology

I was driving along after a blood test, listening to a program on the radio about manners. One of the topics was dress, and how dressing inappropriately can offend people. That got me to thinking, again, about how I dressed for the wedding of a close friend. I was very poor at the time, living on the meager and marginal crumbs of income that writers get. I went to the outdoor wedding in a t-shirt, jeans, and worn sneakers. I reasoned that my friend knew I had no money and would accept me for the unfashionable, unpretentious prole that I was. Everyone else was either dressed up or made an attempt to be. I felt embarrassed and self-conscious, but then put the issue out of my mind and had fun. The wedding was inspirational in the sense that it changed my mind about marriage, which I had assumed was not for me. On that day I saw how brave and affirming it was.

It's not as though I absolutely could not have afforded a decent shirt at least. Back then I saved my money and bought a computer, on which I studied programming, which eventually got me work as a software developer. But I didn't know that at the time. The main reason I never bought any nice clothes at all was that I didn't want to. It did not reflect who I was.

I never did apologize to my friend for showing up at her wedding dressed like a bum. I am sure she either forgives me, or does not remember or care, but it helps me to apologize. And so, I'm sorry.