Money

That Randy Newman song from 1988 has scurried in corners of my head over the years. "It's money that matters," the narrator sings. He talks about friends of his who never adjusted to the great big world. Apparently they eke out livings at public radio and waste time taking care of their children. For years I thought this song was a sincere lament for a lost generation. At the time it was released, I certainly knew my share of very bright, well-educated people who didn't have two swimming pools and a luxury car, and looked as though they never would.

Then, I think just this month, when the song resurfaced again in my mind, I realized that the song is ironic: The guy who pities his friends who don't realize the importance of money is himself to be pitied.

Money is important, and so is youth. But if you've never been old, you've never been young.

Left grip is 29 pounds (25, 23, 29), right grip is 78 pounds (76, 78, 69), left leg balance is 3.84 seconds, and inhale volume is TK mL.