OK, the EEG was funny. They had this old machine where the needles scribble onto paper. They put the wires on your head and whenever you swallow or yawn the needles go wild. They flash a strobe light in your eyes. Then ask you to hyperventilate. The whole thing was so silly I started to laugh. The technician lady told me to stop.


So far I have blown it as an MRI subject and as an EEG subject. I hope I don't faint when they draw my blood.

The neurologist just called and said that there is good news: my EEG output "was as normal as it gets." This implies no Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (I typed that from memory), also known as BSE, or for some of you from New Jersey: "Mad Cow Disease." I was going to ask him about this, kind of as a joke, but he had already thought of it. He said BSE tears up the grey matter. That's the stuff that makes you human, smart, and in my case, sexy. He says that whatever is effecting me is not ripping out the grey matter, or the EEG would have shown it. Good news.

As for stroke, he says that this shows up in the MRI in a "typical vascular distribution," meaning, for those of you from New Jersey, it would have clustered along the arteries and veins. And it ain't.

So now he is thinking that it might be MS. MS is, from what little I know, a royal pain, but it does leave your personality and mind intact. And it comes with a normal lifespan.

But we shall see.

Spinal tap tomorrow. The doctor says I will have to spend the day flat on my back. Except to get up and go pee. And with my trusty plastic bottle by my side, that won't be far.