Your Home Test Kit For Incipient Doom:
1. Wiggle the fingers on your right hand as fast as you can. Wiggle the fingers on your left hand as fast as you can. Notice a difference?
2. Stand on your left foot and shake your right foot as fast as you can, until the shoelaces go clackclackclack! Stand on your right foot and shake the left foot as fast as you can. Notice a difference? Moan out of the left side of your mouth.
3. Take off your shoes. Wiggle your right toes as fast as you can. Take off all your clothes. Take a picture and mail it to the local District Attorney. Wiggle your left toes as fast as you can. Notice a difference? Mutter "oh shit" out of the right side of your mouth.
4. Pick up a newspaper, or read the news on the internet. Notice any spasms, or sudden involuntary cursing? Sit in your car and listen to AM talk radio for 24 hours. Use hand signals to alert your family to any temporary psychohysterical total deafness or blindness.
1. Wiggle the fingers on your right hand as fast as you can. Wiggle the fingers on your left hand as fast as you can. Notice a difference?
2. Stand on your left foot and shake your right foot as fast as you can, until the shoelaces go clackclackclack! Stand on your right foot and shake the left foot as fast as you can. Notice a difference? Moan out of the left side of your mouth.
3. Take off your shoes. Wiggle your right toes as fast as you can. Take off all your clothes. Take a picture and mail it to the local District Attorney. Wiggle your left toes as fast as you can. Notice a difference? Mutter "oh shit" out of the right side of your mouth.
4. Pick up a newspaper, or read the news on the internet. Notice any spasms, or sudden involuntary cursing? Sit in your car and listen to AM talk radio for 24 hours. Use hand signals to alert your family to any temporary psychohysterical total deafness or blindness.
posted by brainhell at 7:22 AM
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