There is one thing about this which completely devastates me, and with which I am unable to cope. So I avoid the topic. I mentally block it out. This is the thought that occurred to me after I noticed the left hemi-peresis, but before I became more persuadded that it is not a tumor. The unbearable thought is that I might somehow leave my children without a father. Even as I type this I am blocking out the thought. Whenever I talk about it, or think about it, I get all choked up and sometimes start sobbing. I can't function. I had been in the doctor's office, on Christmas Eve, talking to my wife on the cell phone, calmly, about what the doctor saw in the first MRI, when I heard my son, on her end, saying "I want to talk to Daddy!" I felt my composure suddenly crack and I managed to choke out to my wife not to let my son talk to me, but then I fell all apart and the doctor had to talk to her. This same dread was what was going through my mind when I freaked out during the second MRI attempt that same day. It was not just claustrophobia. Imagine thinking about leaving your kids as you are being slipped into a coffin-like enclosure.
There is only one other thought which is worse than leaving your children. And those of you with kids know what that is.
There is only one other thought which is worse than leaving your children. And those of you with kids know what that is.
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