Monday, November 15, 2004


So I had this dream. The time period was WWII. My wife was also in the dream, and she was a fighter pilot for the Luftwaffe. In the broken logic of dreams, the way some things just happen to be, and don't make sense to a waking mind, but go unexamined in the dream, I was a pilot for the allies. And my wife and I often clashed in the skies. I briefly recalled an image of the tangled vectors of air combat, her plane flashing past mine.

And yet in the unexamined way of dreams, we still had this love relationship. Unexamined. The only thing my mind did examine was: What kind of plane was I flying? You have to understand that the 262 was the first jet-powered fighter, and was far superior to anything the allies had. I decided, in the dream, that maybe I flew some kind of experimental things that could match up to the 262.

Additionally, we had just found out that my wife was a clone. And in these materials we had read there was some discussion of the clone's lover, and that section described a switch that could be thrown to reverse some effect. No, not the effect of their love. No, not my memory of her. Something undefined. My waking mind thinks that the switch we wanted to throw in me represents a reversal of the ALS. I wanted the switch thrown, but I wasn't sure whether it should be pushed toward my head or toward my toes. I checked with my wife, to get her opinion. The answer was: Up toward the head.

I told her how much I love her, and we discussed her status as a clone. I don't know quite why she or I thought it mattered, but she was worried that there might be many of her, maybe 50. I tried to reassure her by saying that in all my experience I had never encountered another copy of her.

I woke up. I had gone to bed with a headache, and now it was much worse, and pounding. Ow! Ow!

So, even though the baby had been making restive sounds all through the night (she's still a bit sick), I just had at get at the collection of pills we keep in a basket in the closet right outside the kids' room. Amazingly, I managed to extract the basket, take an Excedrin and a Tylenol, and put the basket back without waking either of the kids.

It was 4 AM when I got back to bed.

The headache faded (thank you, drugs!) but I didn't get back to sleep. So I organized this blog entry in my mind. At 5 AM the baby wailed for Mommy, and my wife managed to calm her down and get her back to sleep.

As my wife got up to soothe the baby, I got up to go into the bathroom, and walked into the doorjamb, hitting my right knee something fierce. Lots of whispered cursing. Boy, that hurt!!!

We settled back in bed and soon enough my son came in to say that he couldn't find his water bottle. I went and got one for him, which is rare for me, since my wife has handled all the night work since the diagnosis.

My left triceps and pectoral have been twitching over the past few days. I haven't had much major-muscle twitching since I was diagnosed (sometimes in the hand or foot, though).

There is this thing I do to try to stop the twitching. Often I can find a posture for the limb such that the muscle is under the right amount of pressure, or relieved of the pressure, and stops twitching. I have this idea that doing so is good for me and slows the progression. I could ask my doctors, but I am pretty sure they would say they don't know, but if it makes me feel good, by all means. People who don't have ALS, and don't know how it works, can only offer so much.

I attribute the twitching to the five pushups I did the other day, plus the banana boycott. (I am starting to eat bananas again, with bran flakes). Three pushups never bothered me that much. It's just a reminder that I should get regular, very light exercise. At least twice a week. But because of the various coughs and such, I haven't been doing that. I am starting to feel better, so maybe I can get back into it.

Except that both the kids ran slight fevers yesterday. Their mom is taking them both to the doctor this morning. She works very hard to take care of them, and to try to help me resist the ALS, including trying to let me get the sleep I need. We both agree that it would be best if I and the kids did not have sniffles or colds when we get on that plane for the Thanksgiving trip.

It seems like every time I go to the gym and work out, one of the kids passes a germ to me, and I get sick that night. So I think I'll stay home today.

Joke of the Day: Major insurance companies keep sending me junk mail with offers to sell me life insurance. Heh!
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