Wednesday, February 16, 2005

D+8: Pop!

The knuckle cracking I adopted under the Change Is Good doctrine has not cured me of ALS. And it does annoy my lovely wife, so I have decided to try to quit. When I quit in 1997, I used mental imagery that I was being fined a penny every time I did it, and I tried to imagine that the finger in question was now hurting, ow! hurting so badly! But now I am unwilling to use negative thoughts that involve me making believe my body is being hurt. So I have adopted the approach that if I happen to do it out of habit or while not thinking, that's OK, but I just should never do it on purpose. It's been about a week, and so far it has resulted in greatly reduced knuckle cracking, though I won't feel that I am in recovery for many months. Knuckle cracking, like chess, is always there, waiting to suck you back in.

My two-year-old daughter's water-fascination phase has ended. She's been willing for some time now to wash her hands and be done with it. We are now deeply in I-need-a-Band-Aid territory. Everything requires a Band Aid, and there is a spinoff effect that my five-year-old son wants one too.

The mysterious origin of the germs attacking my lovely wife and I is solved. On the night of the 13th, we had some friends of our kids over. The little girl had a cough like the air horn on a truck. My son already had a cough that was getting there too. But I didn't feel a problem in my throat until two days after I ate next to the little girl. She let out a few immense ones while my food was next to her and I was out of the room. Maybe she didn't lift up my chicken and cough under it, but she might as well have. I don't feel miserable yet, I just have a puffy glottis. I may fight it off. We Shall See.

I am going to postpone breakfast this morning until after I have some blood drawn for the latest tests.

...The blood draw was fine. I should know in a week or so about the very long-chain fatty acids. My left grip maintains at 47 (47, 46, 44) and my right is up a tick to 91 (89, 85, 91). Inhale volume is 4490 mL.

...I just got back from the acupuncturist. I asked her about the Lexapro and she said she totally supported my reluctance to take it. She said it is the end molecule of Prozac, and alters your personality, and kills your sex drive. She said it's like using an elephant gun to kill a fly. But when I said that I had the samples and was curious to try it and see if it has an effect on the inappropriate grinning and laughing, she said go ahead and try it. See what it does. She just has qualms about people being on antidepressants for the long term. I do too. I mean, anything that can influence my nervous system in those two ways is far from "very selective." Poison. Maybe not just poison, but maybe even metaphysically dangerous. Then again, I have confidence that I can go through this and the "I" will remain unscathed.

Also, she says she thinks my liver is improving. But that was after I told her I had stopped taking the riluzole.

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