Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nazi pope?

Unable to stomach moral relativism any longer, the Catholic Church has elected a Nazi pope -- or has it?

Michael A. Smith, 54, of Kansas City, who arrived in Rome Wednesday and was promptly arrested for spitting chaw in the face of the pontiff, clearly thinks so: "Just look at the picture of him as an antiaircraft helper in WWII -- the little Nazi helped shoot down American airmen, which is worse than what Jane Fonda done!"

The pope immediately forgave Smith. Fonda had no comment.

Experts paint a different picture of the pope. "Sure, he helped gunners shoot at American pilots by day. But some of them were people like George McGovern, so even that was a mix of good and bad points," said Max Boot, senior fellow at the Hoover Institute. "Yet by night, Ratzinger was saving Jews."

"Many people of good works were saving Jews during the Nazi era," Boot said, "so much so that often, Jews were saved more than once, due to their scarcity."

The competition grew so fierce that young Ratzinger and a Hitler youth leader accidentally tore an elderly Jewess limb from limb while vying to save her. "The judgment of history approaches!" the young Ratzinger is said to have screamed, "So you get your own damned Jew, Heinz!"

On Thursday, the pope surrendered to the Interpol war crimes unit, was tagged with a hand stamp of "No Nazi," and released on his own recognizance.

The Virgin Mary, now playing to small audiences in Chicago, had no comment.

The leg cramps on waking have been mounting in intensity while I'm on the break from creatine. Today I have damage from a cramp in my right calf.

I had a great massage yesterday from a woman whose family came, during Stalin's time, from what later became North Korea, then lived in Russia. Now she's here in paradise, and we both laughed at people who fret because they can't get the right stereo with their BMW.

Left grip is 40 pounds (39, 40, 40), right grip is 90 pounds (89, 90, 85), left leg balance is 8.97 seconds, and inhale volume is 4600 mL.

I've been having the strange, unexplained skin rashes, and so I went to the GP's office today (BP 120/80, weight 136 lbs.), and only realized l later that I started taking chelated zinc a few days before the rashes started. I'll drop that and see what happens.
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