Monday, May 30, 2005


My son is five, and each morning he asks my lovely wife to name the character on his Flintstones vitamin. He never asks me, probably because he senses that I'll be noncompliant. The Flintstones brand of vitamins was introduced to the public in 1968. That would have made me five, too, when they first came out. We got them, but I think it was only once. There are a lot of things I remember from being a kid, but sometimes the meaning of what I remember only resolves when subjected to adult analysis. The reason we only got them once is that, as I recall, my Dad quietly signaled my mother not to buy any more. That was because of the naming trauma. Each time I had one, I would race over to one of my parents and ask them to name the character. My mom would make a good effort, but my father had the better strategy. He would (1) hold the vitamin in his own hand (2) study it for a very long time, and (3) say "I think it's Fred." He always said that it was Fred, no matter how many times I wailed at him that it was some other character. He was smart. He only played dumb. Just like George Bush. If my mom had done the same thing, I would have probably given up asking about the names, and stayed in my seat and eaten breakfast. After that period, I don't recall us ever taking vitamins. My mom said that we get all the vitamins we need from food. It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I began taking a daily multivitamin.

Left grip is 40 pounds (34, 40, 39), right grip is 93 pounds (90, 90, 93), left leg balance is 11.37 seconds, and inhale volume is 4750 mL.

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