Take the cripples bowling, take them bowling

My lovely wife and I went to dinner and then bowling the other night with some old friends. I had some trouble controlling my laughter, because these are people I like to banter with, and too often when I had something clever to say, I just grinned. Most people who observed me stumbling and grinning and slurring would probably assume I was drunk. The afternoon before the date, I began to wonder if I could still bowl at all. It turned out that I could, but I had to do it by walking up to the line, standing still, and swinging the ball. It didn't go any too fast, but I hit a fair number of pins. We all stank as bowlers. I don't remember the scores, but think they were something like 89, 72, 68, and 62, with me being the 72. I used an eight-pound ball, whose thumb hole was too small. I was limping quite a bit, probably because I was tired. I even involuntarily did a cripple move when I tried a 14-pound ball, which had a bigger thumb hole. After I released it, my wobbly knees gave out and I almost fell to the floor. But I caught myself with my right hand in a tripod move before I collapsed. When people see someone collapse they tend to come running, like it was a heart attack or a stroke or like that. But in my case, it's just a klutz falling down, so I'd rather not get folks excited.

Left grip is 42 pounds (35, 38, 42), right grip is 95 pounds (95, 85, 95), left leg balance is 9.19 seconds, and inhale volume is 4700 mL.