Saturday, December 17, 2005

New metric

We went to the ALS clinic and I test drove a very light wheelchair they can give us for free, thanks to Jerry Lewis and the MDA. They also talked about whether I should get a PEG (a feeding tube through the abdomen and into the stomach). They said that when your FVC is between 75 and 50, you should consider doing it then. My FVC was 74, but, I think, only because they had the guy test me who yells "Go! Go! Go!" and won't refrain from doing that no matter how many times you ask him to, or even if you write a letter to the clinic director. The yelling makes me laugh, and lowers my score. A couple of months ago he tested me quite low, and on the same day someone else tested me and I scored 92. Another sign that it's time for a PEG, they said, was weight loss. I was diagnosed at about 130 pounds and then beefed up to 138 or so, and am now down to 130.5. I think this is due to some travel we did, and a long cough I had, plus the Flagyl I took. We also got some nutritional supplements which I'll try. They said another sign that it's time for a PEG is when it takes you more than 45 minutes to eat a meal. It often takes me more than an hour, because of all the laughing and choking I do when the kids are acting up.

So I invented a new metric, using the stopwatch.

I was able to consume a Double Whopper with cheese (no onion), a regular fries, and about 0.7 liters of water in 32 minutes, 31.43 seconds. My wife downed hers in about six minutes.

Sure, I've read Fast Food Nation, but I figured that it's a medical necessity for me to eat this BK junk. Normally our family eats free-range meat, and ethically produced eggs and milk. It's more expensive, but it's less of a threat to your health. After watching this video I have decided to eat some other high-calorie lunch, not Burger King food. See for yourself why. Oh and by the way, those among you who support freeing business from the fetters of unreasonable regulation AND who complain about illegal aliens should know that the businesses you support knowingly draw those illegals into this country to work in the slaughterhouses and feedlots seen in this video.

I also went online and ordered a manual pill grinder, and an electric coffee grinder (for pills), since taking pills has become so difficult.

Yesterday evening going out the front door I lost my balance and wound up hanging back-asswards on the railing my wife ordered installed this summer. I then lost my grip when near the ground and fell to the concrete, but did not get hurt. It was dramatic and scary, but nothing got smacked.

I don't imagine that many of you would deliberately spew smoothie onto your expensive flat screen monitor, but here's what it might look like if you did. In my case, it's an ALS-related gag reflex. Now you know why I always have a layer of plastic wrap over my keyboard.

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