Friday, May 12, 2006

Savage Love

Dan Savage writes "Savage Love," an advice column for people who like to ... do stuff. Sometimes they want to do it with men, sometimes with women, or both. Animals, even. Cars. Golf bags. Fruits and vegetables. Often in the column, certain situations or objects, including bodily secretions, heighten the satisfaction of the person seeking advice. "Am I crazy, Dan?" they'll write, "I get off on XYZ!"

Savage has written that he assumes that a portion of the letters sent to him are fake. I think he chooses to print them if they describe an issue worth discussing.

Recently he printed a letter that I thought was fake ... and dangerous. I wrote him:

You bought it Dan: Someone in the child porn industry, or who likes child porn, sent you a fake letter about two underage kids filming each other having sex, and you printed it. The message they successfully got you to convey was "B-but -- what if the kids THEMSELVES make the porn?"

Don't help them build a moral loophole.

Within a day came the reply:

oh, don't be an idiot. you don't think that people, even young people, with the means and the libido, film themselves having sex?

I replied:


While I am amazed that someone as famous as yourself would respond at all, and so quickly (or have an intern or some web-based factotum respond so quickly), I am equally amazed by your assbitery in failing to grep my point. Sure, teenagers might film themselves, and probably do, but my email is about you being an idiot (there's that word again) and aiding and abetting a PR campaign by the CPI.

Analogy. A biotech company is now trying to create cancer-fighting compounds using tobacco plants. This isn't just good science, it's good PR. If they get it to work, we'll never hear the end of "...but tobacco fights cancer!" The whole bit about "...but the kids filmed THEMSELVES!" fits right in there.

Sure you can print whatever letters you want. Sure you're probably not the first. Sure, anyone could have thought of it. But why be an idiot and help?

Just to make sure your factotum doesn't write back, I ask: "Hey, how might I become an advice columnist like you did? I have plenty of advice."

Nonetheless, the reply:

there is no CPI, no conspiracy. jesus.


As for the "CPI" (child porn industry), I consider it an industry if there's just one person buying and one person selling.

Left grip is 23 pounds (20, 23, 20), right grip is 64 pounds (64, 60, 58). Maybe it's an off day caused the the constant wheezing cough of my reactive airways, or maybe the downward slide is continuing. We Shall See.
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