I think that the various pain and terror I have been through -- particulary the near-asphyxiation followed by the PEG insertion -- has messed me up pretty good. I'm still the same person with the same joy but I am psychologically harmed. At least I know it, and I know how to accept and heal it. So shove your therapy recomendation. That ain't me. I spent a couple of weeks after the operation crying very easily. Grieving is good. I think I was reacting to the trauma of being tortured, and accepting that I will die.