wife, i love you.
children, i love you.

not his fault this time. could not spell 'fbv'(jaw thrust). knew he would do one when getting me up,.

POS BSOD

daughter wanted her mom, hectic with caretaking me due to sick caregiver, to hannd hber puzzlbbe pieces. she had only threeb left,then two, thebn ne. sad.

timbe to gebt severe on mr. hyde. not-fire him,, fix himmm. he said theb bell was too loud, took it away. pee was dnribbling on me as hbe held urinal, and i had POS say 'leaking.' he joked 'ygeah, u r taking a lebak.' when told him he spillbed p onn m e. H e s aid 'did i/ ' not 'sorry. ' he must think i'm soffft b/c nice. We shd havde his boss st ernly lecctur... And .

yesterday i was battered. my wife had an import ant and stressful day pl anned but we h ad no caregiver. so she called an agency to send someone. WE MUST NEZER DO THIS AGAIN. my c aregiver told her how to take care of me. the ne w one began by curliing the kl eenex UP over my nose. could not t ell her nyhthing, she too stupiiid,loud.

ok 4 u to s ay fire mr. hyde, but he's PERfect compared to last night's idiot-fool.lll

r1thanksthanks for treating me well monday night. it must be hard with so little sleep. i apologize for the time i did ring-flip-flip-correct. sometimes i forget what i rang for, but i will try to make sure not to ring till i remember.

he started out being my best night caregiver. he calls me 'the best in the west' sans irony, and agrees when i say i respect him and would never play games. but once i am helpless in bed, his anger mounts as he accuses me of ringing the bell to toy with him. it frightens me. l wonder if he knows that when he does this, he is acting like the mean rich people told me about. i want to work with him, not ask the agency for someone else.

tried thhis:

pls come every time i ring, even if u think i am asleep.

]and please no jokes about words i point. just try to help.

it is iimpossible foe to reach all of the card. u may havve to move it to where my fingers are.

at 2:38 he seemed furious with himself for agggreeing to this. at 5:30 i had to pee. he had put the card where it could barely ring the bell. i flailed and it made weak dings. i tried my shriek, but he did not wake. the diaper leaked as per usual.

when he snorted on waking, i shrieked and he got me up. splayed uncomfortably in the wc as he put dry clothes on me, i was gifted with his words:

"you choose this, not me. you want to make it hard, what can i do?"

my best day- caregiver, the one w ho got the 25 -percennt raise, has since about thhat time,,, develooped abn attachment to the idea that i disrespect him. he will quit after goking home on a visit. but he is also attached to thinking of hims elf as v ery getle.lll

i a m so glad my w ife's and kids'bbbodies do not have A LS......

i wish i could w alk out there and do s ome parenting.llllll

at two she told me she wd get me up to avv oid hving to constnbantly mv me.
she lied to u.

i had several chalvazions surgically remov ed from eyelids in '90s before married. optham dr. said 's crub the hell out of them' with hot wet towel to forfend. it worked. bbut now socrippled i can;'t. the thing on my right lid is likely a chalazion. . I TRUST ONLY U TO SCRUBBB MY LIDS.

thx for fixing kybd tray. it hurts when they try jamit back on when s w iveled out.

very too hard type this . will soon be 'locked in' WRT hands but i hope not blinks.i love you and thank you.

if u haveALS and u read this blog, pls comment yiour diagnosis date.

heh a s emotionalProl e m s and puunishesme by ignorring some of my requests. Last night too.

tried this:

"i respect u. dont wany annoy u. but ido. lbast night u ssed u dont like hobi treat u. pls rell mne hobw to keep u hbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbappy.i amafraid when u r annoynnnnnnnnnnnnned..... i like u..."

his response was a speech abiout abuse by the brich vwhich never connnnnbebcted back to my conduct.

wvas somme Mr. Hydddde,but not toooo bad.

i dreamed the clock said 6:28, asked to ghet up, sennnt for w/ife in case in nbebeded jawv thnrust. lookbed at clock again ...3:33. uh-oh. she upset. sorry honey.

Mr. Hyde

he is superb, complains my bonnu s checks r too big, cll mne 'th best.' but at 2 am he said he doesn;t like how i treat him, got me twisted bad. but bwhen i choked, he did jbaw thrust me.

i w ant hospice anD ONLY IF IFNEEDED a vent... fooor some reason my lungs r strooong, knock wood. so if iget vented by surprise, bring me home so hospice cann comfort me.

i liked the Ohio State video.

the reason i live to write this is a jaw trust by my fwifffbe.lllllll