Friday, August 31, 2007

most of my helpers are good. good news is the regal caregiver quit. she'd never been paid so little, i require more care now, and i'm mean to her. believing herself to be right was more important than my safety. opening my mouth is difficult for suctioning, but her majesty never wanted to be troubled with my request that if my mouth is open, be on the tongue. she'd either claim she was, or deftly avoid the phlegm and say 'you see, there is nothing.' if there was a big slurping sound, she'd say the same. good riddance. we gave a 25 percent raise to one helper who actually cares about doing the job.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

no word from the nurse friend.

ironically, doing the anti-cough steroids every OTHER day may be reducing my afternoon cough and suction marathons.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

there is a nurse who became a very close friend. she came to the ER the night i wound up there. i trust and admire her. but finances and the need to care for her grown daughter drew her away from us. then i heard that her hodgins lymphoma had returned. she has not responded to our voicemail or email. but maybe she still reads this blog. all i want is to know that you're okay. i'll not blog for a bit, so this stays on top.

Friday, August 24, 2007

see how my elbow has moved foam. use tape to stop that.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

and the winner is jason comack...

President-elect Hillary Clinton died yesterday felating blogger brainhell as the pair bungee jumped. The line broke, killing both jumpers, and Vice-President-elect Newt Gingrich will become America's 44th president.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

TLW says she wd get me out of bed and into wc if phlegm choking is the issue. the wknd night attendant did not tell her. she agrees to find out why i demand wc.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


write a vignette describing brainhell's death.

Monday, August 20, 2007

i hope you won't quit this assignment. we value you. the agency loves to send chumps. you are a rose among thorns. i am sorry i get angry, but communication is so very tough.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

last night the thick phlegm closd my access to air, likely helped by the thrush. i stopped breathing for less than 30 seconds. when upright in the wc, i can breathe better because the goo drains downward. the original deal for the bed was that if i ever asked to be put back in the wc, it wd be done. they refused, saying i was better off in bed. it was a night of terror.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

how about some kind of savior or valis who doesn't want to be believed in, for whom faith is not a requirement? this one helps souls because they need it, and would rather remain anonymous. has there ever been one? use your mind or heart and you'll know that a god of love who won't help those unaware of aforesaid is a laughable and evil concept.

Friday, August 17, 2007

tomorrow they return.

I also welcome complete strangers, as this is a public blog. I would just ask that my friends not "out" me by including material that identifies me in this blog, or by sharing the blog with other people without asking me. I set up the comments section just in case people wanted to chime in. Friends are welcome to add comments, but I guess I set up the comments section to let strangers chime in if they wanted to. One person on the net contacted me saying she liked the blog and asking if she could add it to her links list. I said yes. So to answer Laurie's question, keep the personal stuff (and identifying stuff) to emails and phone calls (and personal visits!), and feel free to add comments under an assumed identity in which you urge me to join some specific (and preferably comical) religion.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

k., make sure you se b;inking light and turn it so i can see fom bed
green on charger
smoke smell on clothes
o r good
but smoke bbad

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

think about what has been taken from her, a healthy, vigorous, hardworking husband and father, replaced by a burden, the undead.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

they go camping today and i will miss them a lot.

Monday, August 13, 2007

i dreamed i was having sex, in the white house, with president hillary clinton.

Sunday, August 12, 2007


Saturday, August 11, 2007

i got up before 7, and my shoulder is still sending pain past my elbow. yesterday, all of you ignored this message, AND my wife's voicemail. i apologize if the tone of my first message fails to explain your lack of response, so i'll ask: is it your hubris, or stupidity?

Friday, August 10, 2007

the 'new' long mattress is concave like a 'U' as in 'used.' and soft. regardless of whether it is used, i need a taut , flat mattress to sleep safely with less chance of choking on my thick saliva. easy to dismiss, this is reality. the bed is now a deathtrap. bring back my former mattress or a new one -- not another softy grabbed from the storeroom. or sell us a brand new one. very, very soon. today. i don't need to pay for danger, and i need to sleep in a bed, not this wheelchair. respond and fulfill ASAP, or i'll begin spreading the word about your company to the crip ccommunity.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

ronolulu says...

Maybe it was the rock story, but last night I had a
vivid dream. Actually, a couple of them. But in one,
for some reason, I was on the phone to your house. I
don't remember calling. You were telling me about the
kids, your day, the crap assistance. I was surprised
you were talking. You said, yup, this new drug seems
to be working. It was really good to hear your voice.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


from China's claws


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

pls spray right nos
pl find and tak an extra check
did i pay monday?
thank you

Monday, August 06, 2007

'be selfish' has been my motto since the ICU. my core needs are vital. it must hurt feelings when i ask for space from a food smell and then keep moving away from the gum smell. scents make me cough. be selfish.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

if a woman greets a man, at her place, in her bathrobe, is she hoping that he'll try to initiate sex?

Saturday, August 04, 2007

in college once i spent a few hours tanning. the next morning i woke up barely able to stand. the flesh was stiff and the pain intense as i walked the 4 blocks to our weekend dining commons. because of a special event, an ID was required, and i hadn't brought one. i was taking hapkido in gym class. when the event security guy grabbed my arm, i put a move on him but did not throw him to the ground. i just got past him. it was the only time i used hapkido on anyone outside of gym class.

Friday, August 03, 2007

what might be the reason that republicans and conservative commentators are so excited and positive about obama's campaign?

Thursday, August 02, 2007


i love you. thank you for your note. i see that you now use capital letters to start sentences. i do not, because my hand is weak.

you asked if i feel better. i had a day of very bad coughing, and i hope i am over that. but i do not think that my nerve problem will get better.

yes, i do remember you as a baby. you and brother were very good babies. when you were a baby, i would pick you up and carry you around, saying, 'i love you. you are special.'

and no matter what happens, that will always be true.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

the regal caregivers' compliance
with my silly rule
progresses from ineffectual
through merely symbolic
to nonexistent.
how good that she saw
and extracted
the lemon seed blocking
my feeding tube.
when a sieve is suggested,
how like her to say that she is able
to pick them out
with a spoon.
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